My Karl,,,,,,18 years ago

A Personal Post,,,,"My Karl." Eighteen years later......

(Our wedding in June 1994, 3 months before his death)

I don't stop and count the years anymore. I used to. Now I still think of my dear Karl all the time in little things. An image, a memory, a laugh, a song, an old Movie. It was SO ironic, that he came to mind on Saturday,,,,,,When after the Island Chicks show, driving home,,,,,,I saw the Mountains......that we flew over on a getaway weekend to the San Juan Islands,,,,,to Roache Harbor, where he proposed,,,,,some 16 years after we first met.

(This is a re-print of my image taken on Saturday) But this is basically where he and I spend our time when we FIRST met when I was 21. He wasn't a Pilot then, but we sailed and lived aboard a 32' sailboat. He was worldly, intelligent, driven and the father of two little kids ,,,,3 and 4. And I fell in love with them at first site.....
But I wasn't READY,,,,,,,,ready to Marry, take on kids,,,,,and more importantly he still had "issues" with his ex. He tried to reconcile. I tried to Marry someone else.
We parted and made separate lives,,,,for years,,,,,,and years....

And 16 years later, we "found" each other! He pursued me,,,,,,I resisted. He'd leave messages with my secretary,,,,"Wanna go flying?" Moi: "No, I'm seeing someone else." Him: "Want to have lunch?" Me,,,,(thinking your charming and handsome, but NO.) "I don't have time." Him: "Let's have dinner." Me: "Okay" (Me, thinking, I am SO in trouble!) I knew in my heart of hearts, once I agreed to have dinner with him, THAT was it! And it was.......

I WAS ready THIS time,,,and he was so GOOD with my young boys, my Mom, and treated me like a queen. Always. Always. He was SO intelligent, kind, funny, loving, caring, sharing and I lost my heart,,,,THIS time for real! A year later, we were married.....That was June 11, 1994. He died 3 months later September 17, 1994.

I asked myself for years, WHY? Why we got back together after all those years,,,Why he died so young,,,,,a Million questions to God. I would give the world, my heart and soul to have him back. But I know God had a different plan. His death changed me. It changed me for the better, I know that now. I look at life differently. I don't "sweat" the small stuff. I think I love deeper, care more and have a perspective that I HOPE at times I reflect on others.

I'll always, always MISS my Amazing Karl. I think sometimes about how our life would be NOW,,,,after his first grandchild has arrived,,,,How we would grow old together,,,,But it wasn't meant to be....He still helped make me the person I've become. And I hope his passing has made me a better friend, mother, member of the community and world!

Big Smiles through the tears,,,It was a lovely "ride"-Both Times!

Hugs, love and a "Memorable" Bus!
Shell