Monday, September 17, 2012

My Karl,,,,,,18 years ago

A Personal Post,,,,"My Karl." Eighteen years later......



(Our wedding in June 1994, 3 months before his death)

I don't stop and count the years anymore. I used to. Now I still think of my dear Karl all the time in little things. An image, a memory, a laugh, a song, an old Movie. It was SO ironic, that he came to mind on Saturday,,,,,,When after the Island Chicks show, driving home,,,,,,I saw the Mountains......that we flew over on a getaway weekend to the San Juan Islands,,,,,to Roache Harbor, where he proposed,,,,,some 16 years after we first met.


(This is a re-print of my image taken on Saturday) But this is basically where he and I spend our time when we FIRST met when I was 21. He wasn't a Pilot then, but we sailed and lived aboard a 32' sailboat. He was worldly, intelligent, driven and the father of two little kids ,,,,3 and 4. And I fell in love with them at first site.....
But I wasn't READY,,,,,,,,ready to Marry, take on kids,,,,,and more importantly he still had "issues" with his ex. He tried to reconcile. I tried to Marry someone else.
We parted and made separate lives,,,,for years,,,,,,and years....

And 16 years later, we "found" each other! He pursued me,,,,,,I resisted. He'd leave messages with my secretary,,,,"Wanna go flying?" Moi: "No, I'm seeing someone else." Him: "Want to have lunch?" Me,,,,(thinking your charming and handsome, but NO.) "I don't have time." Him: "Let's have dinner." Me: "Okay" (Me, thinking, I am SO in trouble!) I knew in my heart of hearts, once I agreed to have dinner with him, THAT was it! And it was.......

I WAS ready THIS time,,,and he was so GOOD with my young boys, my Mom, and treated me like a queen. Always. Always. He was SO intelligent, kind, funny, loving, caring, sharing and I lost my heart,,,,THIS time for real! A year later, we were married.....That was June 11, 1994. He died 3 months later September 17, 1994.

I asked myself for years, WHY? Why we got back together after all those years,,,Why he died so young,,,,,a Million questions to God. I would give the world, my heart and soul to have him back. But I know God had a different plan. His death changed me. It changed me for the better, I know that now. I look at life differently. I don't "sweat" the small stuff. I think I love deeper, care more and have a perspective that I HOPE at times I reflect on others.

I'll always, always MISS my Amazing Karl. I think sometimes about how our life would be NOW,,,,after his first grandchild has arrived,,,,How we would grow old together,,,,But it wasn't meant to be....He still helped make me the person I've become. And I hope his passing has made me a better friend, mother, member of the community and world!

Big Smiles through the tears,,,It was a lovely "ride"-Both Times!

Hugs, love and a "Memorable" Bus!
Shell

12 comments:

  1. Hello friend...I wish I could have met your Karl. I'm sure I would have liked him. My heart aches for your loss, I can't imagine.
    I'm sure he sees the person you've become and smiles. You are so loved. <3

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  2. Oh Shell, what a bittersweet and precious post. And what a beautiful photo of the two of you. I know you're thankful for the wonderful memories. lots of hugs being sent your way, xoxo

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  3. My heart hurts every time I hear your tender story, Shell. And you tell it so beautifully. There are few people I've met who are as open and loving as you. You share so much kindness and laughter with others, and I love every square inch of who you are!

    Debi

    P.S. Two gorgeous babes in that photo, I might add!

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  4. My DEBS!! Deb, Debra, Debi,,,,,I Love you all so! I simply cannot imagine my life without a one of you! Thank you ALL for your LOVE, your Friendship, your laughter, encouragement!

    I am So blessed to have such dear friends near AND far!

    Grief and death is hard. We can put things in God's hands and still wonder why. Why now, why THEM,,,but it does make us grow, put things in perspective...What is important NOW.......Those we love, those we can Help. That's it, nothing more.

    Thank you,,,,,My Debs! Love you ALL to pieces!!

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  5. Wow Shelly. I dont know what to say except how sorry for you I am. However, knowing that you are cherishing the time you had with Karl is the most important of all and that is what we hold on to. I send you big hugs. This just touched my heart.

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  6. Shelly, I remember it so vividly. The tears again are streaming down my face. You are sincerely an inspiration to me. So many years later and you continue to amaze and inspire not only me but so many others. Your kindness, humility, creativeness, joyful spirit, honesty, loyalty.....i could go on and on.....i know that i'm grateful for you.

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    1. We worked on our High School reunion event. I hadn't seen you before that for Years. You "ran" with a different crowd. I got Married, to Karl. Then we had the HS reunion that I was in charge of in August. He died in Sept. Carla you came to my aid! I will NEVER forget that. Thank you!

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  7. oh Shelly, it was the least i could do; i would have done anything for you.

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  8. What a beautiful post Shell. I'm just so sorry you lost Karl and at such a young age.
    He must have been an incredible man and so handsome too. Cherish those memories.
    hugs Lynn

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