Friday, June 28, 2013

Losing the Cancer Battle,,,,,Stuff

If you've known me for a while, followed me here or on FB, you know that my Sister in Law Mary has been battling Cancer. And, the Cancer is winning.  During a visit yesterday my brother hugged me as I arrived, and after saying a word that I've never heard cross his lips, said, "She's dying." 

NO!! I cannot imagine my life without her. She's been in my life since I was 7. I'm not taking this well, to put it lightly. She is my life long confidant, my Junking/decorating friend, my Joker, my inspiration, my grounding, my heart.

I was blessed to have two friends with me yesterday when we journeyed for several hours to get to see her for 45 minutes or so. We didn't talk "sick", we didn't talk Cancer and we most assuredly didn't talk death. 

Since Mary has been sick, she's starting giving me Antique and Vintage stuff. When I filled my car with the first "Load" about a year ago, I was worried. Then boxes of things started coming in the months to follow. Her Antique Postcards. A Box FULL of Vintage Rhinestone jewelry. Books she knew I would love,,,,,,and yesterday she tucked a few things under my arms and gave me a heavy shoe box ,,,,which she said was full of "Buttons!"

When my friend Debi Burton and I were in the Ferry line to go home,,,,,,,I was already a mess. She's got nerve damage in her hand. (Which I held and massaged while we visited). The tumor is back on her spine and no chemo or experimental drugs have helped. And my brothers words kept ringing in my ears. "She's dying."

After boxes and cars full of glorious treasures,,,,,,some of which she and I found together and I KNOW how much she loved them,,,,,,(And I knew how much she knew I would love them) I sat there with Debi in the Ferry line with this box on my lap. A French Pillow case on top. (No, she never got to go.) And underneath that,,,,,,,a single postcard.

And I lost it all over again!! She'd already sent me near 100 Antique postcards,,,,,,,for every season, for every reason,,,,,,,and this one tucked amongst the contents broke my heart!!!

Oh Sweet Sweet Mary,,,,,,,I will Always remember you!! And HOW are we going to live without you???

If you're read this far, thank you. Yeah.....I'm a mess. And I'm glad I got a visit yesterday. And I am SO thankful that I had friends with me to help hold me together!

Debi Burton and her Sister Peggy. 

Pretty "Stuff" is great. But family and friends are the "glue of life!" We need to stick together when things start falling apart.

We move on,,,,,,one Day, one Week, one Month at a time. Some days? One Breath, one memory, ond moment at a time.

Keep us in your prayers if you will. We are broken.

Hugs, Love and a "remembered" Bus,


  1. Oh Shell . . . no words can cover what I feel for you and Mary and Ross!!! I fell apart when I saw that postcard too. The process of letting go is so very personal. I'm here no matter what--no matter when. And I know Peggy feels very much the same way. The days ahead are precious and limited. Go spend time with her again! Love you!!! xoxo


  2. How do you put 50 years of life into words???50 years!!

    Thank you! Big Hugs!

  3. You will never regret going again to spend more time with Mary . . . even if it's not easy or comfortable. You can't get that most precious time back, not ever.

    xo D.

  4. I'm so sad to hear this story....and so happy you've had her in your life.

    Carrie B.

  5. I'm so sorry, Shell. Words can't adequately express just how badly I feel for you. I know what a terrible, painful, awful thief cancer is. Prayers for you, your SIL and her husband...and your entire family. I ache for you, my friend.

  6. I'm so,so sorry Shell. I know words don't really help.. but loving and tranquil thoughts are on their way to you and Mary and all her family and friends

  7. sending big hugs your way... wish I could send more...

  8. I'm always reminded of a saying that that helps me through these times. Hopefully, it will help you too.
    "Carry her in your heart, not on your shoulders. She wouldn't want that."
    Hugs and prayers sent from PA.

  9. That is Beautiful Jill!!

    Thank you all!

  10. Shell: My heart is broken for you. I am so sorry. Your post brought me to tears. I feel like I know you, even though, I hardly comment. You come into my home with every post. I will be praying for you and your brother that God will be merciful and comforting. Hugs, Martha

  11. I am so so sorry for your heartbreak. It sounds like Mary has made peace and while you know it's part of life, that doesn't make it any easier. You and your brother will remain in my prayers. Big hugs to you!

  12. Dear Shell, So sorry to read this. You and your family are in my prayers and I am sending you hugs and love!

  13. There are no good words,but I am sending you the best thoughts. Treasure these moments you've been given as time to say what's in your hearts, and,yes, you will always,always remember. So sad for you.

  14. Oh this breaks my heart. ! Iam sorry. I dont know whats worse , to know the end is coming , or a sudden end. I can only imagine how your sister feels. Be strong for her and hold her hand til the end. If you have to cry during the time doing it. It just shows the love for your sister. And it must give her some comfort to know that giving you her special things , she knows that you will love them and cherish them as much as she does. Very sorry , you have to go through this. But she is lucky to have you to support her to the end. For that is what true sisters do when they love each other. Sending strength your way. mishelle

  15. I have no words--- my heart breaks for you dear Shell. You and Mary have been blessed to have each other all these years- your relationship is truly beautiful. You are loved dear Shell- and always in prayers--


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